Vignette

 

   Melancholic Memories

by Zac Dizon

It was a cold, quiet August night in my room. I was staring at the screen, completely surprised. As I gazed into the bright screen in the palm of my hand, reading your text, I couldn't comprehend what was happening at that moment. All of a sudden, it was as if my world were swallowed by a blackhole and completely disintegrated. I was shaking, my hand barely holding on to the phone, as I continued to read what you sent me. My lungs felt like they got crumpled and crushed like a tin can run over by a car. I couldn't understand. I couldn't think. Why? Why were you telling this to me?

We were going to be together for a long time, weren't we? We promised each other a few months ago... Yet here I was, staring at a message that had traumatized me up until now. I tried to understand as I reflected on what you sent me, yet I was breaking down like an old car. I felt tired, anxious, and devastated. You were my everything, yet you wanted to stop everything we had. And you did stop it; I no longer heard from you as days, weeks, and months passed by. I was lost. So lost, I went back to being a "human-doer." I did things for the sake of doing them. I went through the motions like a pendulum; days went by with nothing interesting going on. Just the ever-present dread of what you did to me.

I loved you, yet I was doubting myself if I was ever someone you loved back. Looking back at what happened that day, I was a fool. You are a fool for thinking someone like you would ever want to be with someone like me. A year. For a year, you were my world, and I revolved around you like the moon rotates around the earth. But I was no longer your moon. I was just somebody. Someone that you used to know and love. You were a distant memory in this head of mine, yet I still come back to thoughts of us. I hoped you felt what I felt, looking back at that gloomy night in my room. Everything I knew was taken away, and in retrospect, I was a fool for ever believing that we were meant to be.